I had the pleasure of being asked to review Xan West’s new book of erotica Show Yourself to Me (Go Deeper Press, 2015). It’s been quit some time since I’ve blogged, but I’m excited to re-launch this space with a review of Xan’s work. I’ve seen Xan perform and read Xan’s work in various erotica collections. Xan’s words are beautiful, poignant, true and titillating. Xan’s ability to express various gender and sexual expressions of the queer experience are words that both queer and sexual alternative communities must read to truly feel. Xan speaks to our passions and our struggles and tells stories that not only stimulate our brains, but wet our pants.
‘Missing Daddy’ was a story I was immediately drawn to. I’ve been struggling with concepts of manhood. As a woman who is starting to experience herself as both male and female, I’m only beginning to understand the way masculinity plays a role in our society, how it effects my female body and woman representation and how one can mold masculinity to be an expression of themselves regardless of their gender. Inside of this space, I am starting to have the urge to explore what it means to be a Daddy, in kink, in leather, and in life. To nurture a person to become their greater self through both pain and pleasure, mind, body and spirit.
What better way to investigate this work by starting with Xan’s. ‘Missing Daddy’ is a story of a Daddy reflecting on a time when he was a boi, when he was raised in leather and queer-hood by a Daddy who initiated him into a life of submission and Dominance he would one day bestow on another. He illustrates their precious sexual experiences, painful, loving and dirty; being bend over Daddy’s bathroom sink, taking Daddy’s cane not for his own pleasure but for his Daddy’s, being fucked by a gaggle of faggots while his Daddy watched, the feeling of Daddy allowing his boy to belong in a queer world longed for.
I especially appreciated in the inclusion of dykes in this story, the once boy being offered to a variety of people, not just those who identified as men. In my queer, leather community, my Lady, who I also sometimes refer to as my LadyDaddy, shares me with those of all genders and embodies both male and female presence with ease and grace. We are dykes, but there is a certain energy she gives me when she assumes Daddy, rough, quick, silent but gentle. In those moments, I like to consider myself her boi and learn from her to one day can become a Daddy to another.
Xan captures this so clearly in this story and reminds me that with permission, I can become a boi and maybe one day, a Daddy.
Check out Xan’s book blog: https://showyourselftome.wordpress.com/
Pre-order Xan’s book here: http://godeeperpress.com/projects/show-yourself-to-me-by-xan-west/